Hoooooooooooowdy,

First I hope your day has been gentle and supportive. Your pillow cool at nights, your sweaters cozy, your homes full of joy and your spam folders clear. AND that you had a restful long weekend.

There has been something has been sitting with me for a while and I haven't really had the words but I'm going to type them out to maybe gain a better sense of it too. I also wrote a field note on it because multi-passion happens at weird moments.

Community has become a commodity. And I'm fucking tired of it and I've also contributed to it at some point. I am sure, I mean we all contribute to capitalism at some point as much as we try to get out of it.

I'm tired of the $75 "connection events." The $120 workshops where the actual content is thin but the energy of being in a room together is what sold it. The membership platforms promising "your people" for $29.99 a month, when it's just you and you in a room. The retreats where belonging is the real product and the yoga is just the packaging. The brunches. The book clubs with a ticket price. The curated gatherings in beautifully lit rooms that you have to pre-register and pre-pay for.

I'm not saying none of these things have value. They do. And I say this as someone who runs studios, who charges for classes, who builds programming that people pay for. I understand the economics. I understand that facilitating community takes time, space, labour, and care. I am not naive about that. I also know it doesn't require a specific aesthetic, elitism and privilege.

The third space concept, was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg and it refers to social environments separate from our two primary spaces, where we lay our head and where we use our head. Home and Work.

A third space can be cafes, libraries, or parks, which are essential for community life, offering neutral, affordable, and accessible gathering spots that foster social interaction and belonging. This is where I've noticed things have become a commodity or ulterior motive.

But somewhere along the way we started confusing access to community with community itself. And the people who can't afford the access are being quietly told: belonging costs money, and if you don't have it, that's your problem.

That is not okay.

Who gets to belong

There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes from watching community happen just beyond your reach. You see the photos on Instagram, the smiling circles, the candid shots of people laughing over something you didn't get to be part of. And you know if your bank account looked different, you could have been there. A subscription service with a warmer name.

This is not only an economic issue. It's a cultural one. The communities that have historically been most starved of resources, most isolated, most excluded from "professional" or "wellness" spaces, are often the ones charged the most to access belonging. The cost of entry is, not always but often, steeper for people who can least afford it. We've monetized the one thing humans need most and then called it inclusive because we offered a scholarship to two people.

I've been sitting with this a lot. Thinking about what it means to be spaces that don't require people to spend their way in all the time. Thinking about what community actually looked like before someone figured out how to contiuously charge for it. Potlucks. Porches. Phone calls that went too long. Showing up. Being shown up for. None of it required a PayPal link. And I'm excited to see some of those come back without it being commodified.

{In Black && QQueer cultureit's never left...PS} I can only speak from my own experience and the conversations we've been having around this within these spaces and identities.

So here's what I want to offer instead boo!

Not as a perfect solution, because I truly don't know if there fucking is one. Just as a reminder that you already know how to do this. You and I just might have forgotten, because the algorithm keeps selling you a better version of connection than the free one you already have access to.

None of this is revolutionary. All of it requires something money can't buy, which is the decision to actually show up for each other. And you know somewhere along the way I think we have all (YES INCLUDING MYSELF) have forgotten this.

Here's the field note check it out and let me know if anything resonates.

Community isn't what you pay to attend, or even classes you work together one, workshops you work together on or events you work together one. It's not about being a group or a gang. It's what happens when people choose each other, repeatedly, without a ticket in hand. That hood and harmony feeling...I think.

That's what I want more of. For all of us.

With love and a whole lot of fucking fire or ire? I don't know

Ro
xo

PS.
As always love your thoughts, feels and connection points on the topic. It's always cool learning different perspectives.